BEWARE

Beware of those that always see flaws in others, but never with self

Self-awareness and introspection are special qualities that only special type of people possess. It's even easier to see another flawed person but never see one's flawed self.

Carl Jung reminds us that "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." My challenge for others and myself is that whenever there is a flaw noted in someone else (friend, family, etc.) or when you take notice of things that appear flawed in others, ask yourself why that person's flaw irritates you.

I often say that a person who has an intense dislike for a certain character trait in others, usually possesses that very same quality. The next time that you assert that you dislike or see sarcasm, pettiness, sadness or anything else in others, ask "Why does that particular flaw bother me so?" Then remove your lenses and turn them around. Take a look within.

Personal and Professional Development for BMWs

The Charlotte Examiner (follow the link)

BMWs in Action

SISTAS HELPING SISTAS
This is a mentoring program that is interested in female teenagers between the ages of 12-19 years old. In this program the mentee's will learn that there is more to life than just sex, money & drugs. We are here to help guide them in the right direction to having a Successful life.

"We are proud to announce that on June 5, 2010 we will have our 1st meet with our Youth Girls along w/their Parents. We will be meeting from 1pm-3pm @ Jordan Armani's [Charleston, SC] which is sponsored by our very own sponsor Phlayva Entertainment. We look forward to seeing the parents/guardian along with the teenagers out there. Please see a mentor for directions. Thanks for your support in advance!"

This is a Non-Profit Organization aiming towards Selflessly Inspiring Successful Teenagers Achieving higher Standards in life. For more information, email. sistas_helping_sistas@live.com

Be sure to visit their Facebook page

The Double Standard Part II: The N-Word

Is it ever okay for people of color to use the N-Word?

I hear and see the N-Word daily. Most often from Black millennials, even sometimes those in leadership. Only the "er" has been replaced with an "a." Even sometimes, those using this word are those who are Bi-racially Black (i.e. Black Asians, Black Hispanics, etc.).

While tweeting this morning, I posed several questions regarding the N-word that I often hear when Blacks justify their use of the word to a fellow tweeter.

Here is the response:
 
On Saturday 22nd May 2010, @thescoop1 said:

@BMWLeader If you were living back in the day and people broke into your home, brutally raped you while your husband was being restrained and forced to watch because you were looked upon as being a n**ger therefore justifying such actions, would you be okay with the fact that other members of your family rejoiced and embraced the n-word, using it as a term of endearment? Or lets say you and your husband are tied to a tree, each one of your fingers are being cut off, toes amputated, slivers of skin being gorged out of you, teeth being yanked out and finally a fire is built around you burning you and your husband and all the while this is going on you are hearing jeers of the n-word being hurtled at you, n**ger, n**ger, n**ger. Are you going to be okay with members of your family embracing the n-word? Or lets say your home is broken into and your husband is taken castrated, sodomized with a hot poker then taking outside and placed into a tub of boiling hot water amidst the jeers of n**ger, n**ger, n**ger, are you going to be okay with members of your family embracing the n-word? I seriously doubt it!

Your ancestors went through ALL of that and more, and in the twisted minds of the perpetrators this was justifiable and okay because the victims were nothing more than n**gers. And to add insult to injury were forced to look upon themselves as being nothing more than a n**ger, same as many blacks do today, being [unable] to think for themselves and [BREAK] the habit.

Understand one thing, you are not stripping that word from those who used for it hurt, nor can you change its meaning, the fact that blacks are keeping this word alive is also keeping alive all of the evilness attributed to that word because you can not bring along that word without bringing the history behind it...along with it. Things happened and being in denial...changes nothing. The [original] intent and purpose of the n-word wasn't used for the purpose of emotionally hurting you, but to categorize you as something sub-human justifying any inhumane acts cast upon you.

Today in this modern day age the word has been reduced to nothing more than a racial slur. Don't worry about the word becoming obsolete because that will not happen and insofar as forgetting about our history most of us already have, if in fact we ever did know much about it in the first place. Most Americans black and white alike are totally ignorant of [ALL] the evil and brutal atrocities perpetrated upon the enslaved Africans, and I might add by design. Many of you, black and white alike, clearly do not understand what the [original] intent and purpose of the word was all about.

Any use of that word by blacks is a mockery and insult to the sacred memories of the sacrifices and struggles made by their victimized ancestry and therefore should be looked upon as a [contemptible] and inexcusable act.

Blacks will come up with some of the most ridiculous excuses in the world in a vain attempt to justify their use of that word, being in total denial as to why they [REALLY] and [TRULY] use the word...[mind control]. The word is embedded into the hearts, mind and souls of its users and many of whom simply do not have the intestinal fortitude to disassociate themselves with a 400 year old habit. Think I'm kidding? There are many black users of the word who cannot go 24 hours without saying the word at least one time. This is not by choice but indeed...it is due to being mentally enslaved. These shackles to mentally enslavement needs to be broken but will never be so long as you are in...DENIAL.

The intent is not to try and make that word disappear, it is just simply too much a part of American history and thus cannot disappear. But it can be made, out of reference to our beloved ancestors, be made to disappear from the speech and vocabulary of all Black Americans.

The [self-hatred] as it presently exist in the community and the reluctance to identify with our ancestry is all psychologically linked to that n-word. You never, ever, allow someone else to DEFINE you; [and] with the use of the n-word African Americans are allowing themselves to continually be [defined] by an ugly and atrocious past.

Is it fair to condemn one race (non-Blacks) for using the N-Word while some members of the race that it was intended to hurt (Blacks) embrace it? Is it ever okay to use the N-Word outside of an historical context? Can Bi-racial Blacks use the N-Word?

What are your thoughts?

Related Reading -

1. Take part in the discussion about the N-Word by visiting http://theunitedvoices.com/
2. Boondocks Episode

Living in a presumptuous society

An opinionated women is a bitch.

These young people think they own the world.

All Black women are angry.

'presume'

1. To accept that something is virtually certain to be correct even though there is no proof of it, on the grounds that it is extremely likely.

2. To behave so inconsiderably, disrespectfully, or overconfidently as to do something without being entitled or qualified to do it; usually used in a negative sense.

These are just a few presumptions that society holds about me as a Black Millennial Woman (BMW).

Is it fair for society to impose its way of thinking and living on those who think differently?

Living in a presumptuous society, coming soon....

'You're a black woman and there's so little you can do'

Notre Dame gets its first BMW...*clears throat*...I mean black valedictorian (follow the link)

The Double Standard

Why are single fathers acclaimed, but single mothers frowned upon?

Why do white mistresses seem to be glorified (Rielle Hunter) while black wives garner negative attention (e.g. Mashonda Tifrere, Siohvaughn Wade)?

Why are single Black fathers who show just a little interest in their children fathers of the year, but single Black mothers presumed to be welfare moms?

Why are strong-minded women "bitches," but strong-minded men respected?

Why Halle have to let a white man pop her to get a Oscar? Why Denzel have to be crooked before he took it? <----- Ok, I kid I kid but you catch my drift.

There is only one real answer to all these questions and it is Cultural Hegemony. Popular belief makes it acceptable for one sex and/or race to behave a certain way while unacceptable for other sexes and/or races to do the same.


[Excerpt from Black Millennial Women in Leadership]

Cultural Hegemony influences the narrative script of Black women and adds to the conflict that Black women experience as a result of being Millennial leaders. The combination of race, gender and millennialism causes Black Millennial Women in Leadership to overcompensate in the quest for perfection (Overcompensation). Although shifting, masking, and role playing are necessary coping tools (Persona) Black Millennial Women in Leadership use to survive, this study maintains that Black Millennial Women in Leadership can fulfill expected leadership roles without losing her sense of self (Authenticity).

Cultural hegemony is the dominance of one social group over another. The ideas of the ruling class come to be seen as the norm. These ideologies are perceived as benefiting the entire whole, but in reality only benefit the ruling class. This practice dates back to the 1800’s when the ruling class was the “intellectuals” (Taube, 1996). Originated by the Marxist philosopher Antonio Gramsci, cultural hegemony is the concept that a culturally-diverse society can be ruled by one of its social classes. Italian Communist Antonio Gramsci experienced cultural hegemony in part response to his resistance to the leadership of Mussolini. His ideas around cultural hegemony addressed the relationship between culture and power under capitalism (Lears, 1985). Although never formally defined by Gramsci, he was known to quote hegemony as ‘the spontaneous consent given by the great masses of population to the general direction imposed on social life by the dominant fundamental group” (Lears, 1985, p568). This consent is manufactured and is caused by the status of the dominant group as a result of its position in the world (Lears, 1985)...

...Hegemony or “popular culture” is actively pursued in both Black studies as well as women’s studies (Traube, 1996). It is believed that as Blacks acquire more wealth and higher socio-economic status, they will also experience more exposure to the narratives endorsed by the dominating cultural influence of Europeans (Schiele, 2005). Schiele contends that as a result, a larger number of Blacks, mostly middle-upper class, are more willing to adopt values of the majority group. The “risk” of internalizing these narratives that may endanger the ability for Blacks to resist dominating Eurocentric cultural hegemony (2005). “These greater opportunities also may jeopardize the value of maintaining a Black cultural identity” (Schiele, 2005, p810). This principle is the foundation of ‘cultural genocide.’ In this study, I will push back on the beliefs and values of popular culture; thus encouraging Black Millennial Women to not adopt the values of the majority group, but to remain authentic to their personal values. Manufactured consent among a certain population like Black Millennial Women often causes a class to be pushed into an uncomfortable space. This longing to belong and “fit in,” encourages Black women to mask themselves and lose parts of who they are culturally while adopting the beliefs of popular culture.

Researcher Thoughts - Will the double standard (race and sex) soon become the triple standard (age)? Will age play a determining factor in what's acceptable and what's not? Has this standard already begun?


What are your thoughts?

Source:
Jackson, Jenny (2010). Black Millennial Women in Leadership. Queens University of Charlotte: Charlotte NC.

References:

1. Lears, T.J. Jackson (1985). “The Concept of Cultural Hegemony: Problems and Possibilities.” The American Historical Review, Vol. 90, No. 3. pp. 567-593.
2.  Traube, Elizabeth G. (1996). “ ‘The Popular’ in American Culture.” Annual Review of Anthropology, Vol. 25. Annual Reviews, Inc.: CA.